Wow! Way to scope out the bottom of the barrel on these options.
Tater Tots, I guess win. They have some substance to them.
French Fries (which in Australia basically always means shoe string fries) are the worst! Too thin to have any flavour. Should be crunchy but never are. The surface area is all wrong, when frying in oil - making them too oily. They should be banned as food.
Onion Rings are just no!
Chips are where it's at (which I guess Americans would call Fries as well, because they're weird.) Here they are like fries, but thick, hearty and have some actual Potato-like-substance in the middle. They are a perfect consistency and all-around amazing.
I'm always pissed too - as cafes/restaurants/eateries/etc around here are referring to all of these things as Chips (meaning actual Chips and Shoestring Fries), even when it doesn't apply. If I order Chips, I'm ordering Chips - as in the good thick stuff. So if they come out Shoestring Fries and you're advertising chips, IMHO you should be gaoled or something.